If you didn’t grow up playing Pokemon Blue, Pokemon Crystal, or any type of Pokemon that’s NOT that trash Pokemon GO then you’re childhood was not cool.
Pokemon is probably one Nintendo’s top selling series, you know, after Mario… Mario is the most famous plumber I know honestly. But anyway, I’ve been playing a ton of Pokemon on my 3DS, I’ve recently gotten Pokemon Sun, and I have to say I hate it. I hate it so much that I’ve actually went back to playing Pokemon Alpha Sapphire. The reason why I hate Pokemon Sun is because the cut scenes are just too long, I feel like I’ve been playing the tutorial for hours, where is the skip button for veteran Pokemon players?!? I AM THE POKEMON MASTER! I HAVE CAUGHT THEM ALL.
What I like about Pokemon is that each Pokemon is unique and when you catch them you learn some cool shit about them from the Pokedex. Some of the entires are pretty cool but there are some that make me raise an eyebrow. Here are some examples:
Cubone – “Always wears the skull of its deceased mother on its head and never shows its face. It cries mournfully in the moonlight.” How morbid is this?
Phantump– “According to old tales, these Pokémon are stumps possessed by the spirits of children who died while lost in the forest.” Another morbid entry…. dead children possessing tree stumps. What in the actual fuck… Not going to lie, the Pokemon is cute though.
Unknown– “Their shapes look like hieroglyphs on ancient tablets. It is said that the two are somehow related.” I think this Pokemon is stupid. The Pokedex entry is cooler than the Pokemon if that makes sense.
But, I don’t want to keep you guys out of the loop. Here is my list of Pokemon that can destroy the world. This is in random order, so I am not picking favorites or anything. I hope you enjoy!
Oh you mean Jesus? Yes, this Pokemon is Jesus. Let’s talk a little peak at the Pokedex entry: “It is described in mythology as the Pokémon that shaped the universe with its 1,000 arms.” So this means that people came from Pokemon? Right? “It also holds long grudges if betrayed by those it considered friends.” Honestly, this sounds like me… I could be Arceus, minus the whole creating the universe thing.
We all know that the sun is hot, according to the all knowing google, the surface of the sun is 9,939 °F. The Pokedex entry for Magcargo states: “Magcargo’s body temperature is approximately 18,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Water is vaporized on contact. If this Pokémon is caught in the rain, the raindrops instantly turn into steam, cloaking the area in a thick fog.” So basically this Pokemon can destroy earth by setting it on fire, throw this Pokemon in the ocean and watch it be gone in the blink of an eye.
Do not let this cute little pink blob fool you into loving it. Ditto can be deadly. Don’t believe me? See for yourself, “It can transform into anything. When it sleeps, it changes into a stone to avoid being attacked.” Let’s say if Ditto was feeling pissed off. He could easily transform into a black hole. Killing us all.
Speaking of black holes, lets take a look at the majestic Gardevoir. I love the Pokemon Kirlia and I always try to catch a male and a female to get both evolutions. But thats besides the point. “Gardevoir has the psychokinetic power to distort the dimensions and create a small black hole. This Pokémon will try to protect its Trainer even at the risk of its own life.” Okay so, even though this Pokemon will ride or die for you, it could still create a black hole. Doesn’t matter if its small or big, a black hole is a black hole!
“Exploud triggers earthquakes with the tremors it creates by bellowing. If this Pokémon violently inhales from the ports on its body, it’s a sign that it is preparing to let loose a huge bellow.” Now lets imagine hundreds of Exploud all over the world bellowing. Yeah, the earth would be a goner!
I know that all the Pokemon legendaries could destroy the earth, hell even the universe but I actually wanted to do some research on Pokemon. I freaking love Pokemon. Bulbapedia is an awesome site and it’s where I got a lot of the Pokedex entries from! I hope you guys enjoyed this post. Do any of you like Pokemon? Have you played the console games? Or do you like Pokemon Go? Leave me a comment with your thoughts!