So I was talking to Cutie Pie on Tuesday about his girlfriend, yep Cutie Pie is cheating on his fiancé with a girl at his job, and that just made me feel sick. Sure, he’s still a hottie but I am thinking about giving him a new name… nah I’ll stick with Cutie Pie.
Anyway he asked me why I was single and I decided to tell him straight up:
- My sexuality is like a flower blowing in the wind, one minute I am this, and the next I am that. I don’t want to label myself though.
- I can be very picky.
- Love is some scary shit.
Now I have never openly said this to another person. I think I was comfortable with Cutie Pie because he told me something drastic about his personal life and I felt compelled/obligated to do the same. Then we had the following exchange.
Confessions In The Computer Lab (CITCL)
Me: “So why do men cheat?”
Cutie Pie: “I think everyone cheats men and women.”
Me: “That is true, well, why do you cheat?”
Cutie Pie: “I would stay at work late to get away from Goddess (fiance) but I hated that I felt alone, eventually Lewinksy (girlfriend) started to stay late too and one thing led to another. I was going to leave Goddess but she got pregnant.”
Me: “So you’re marrying her because she’s pregnant?
Cutie Pie: I proposed because she was pregnant but that’s not why I am marrying her.”
Me: “…Sounds fake but okay.”
Cutie Pie: *He laughs* “It’s complicated, Lewinsky and I have known each other since high school.”
Me: “That’s crazy.”
But I digress. The entire point of this blog is to point out that I realized I have been single for two years and even though I use dating apps like POF and OKc I’m not really looking and I enjoy being alone.
- I love shopping on a Saturday after class by myself.
- I like reading without having to text my significant other.
- I like planning trips / vacations without consulting the other person.
- I am focused more on school.
- I am focused more on managing my finances.
- I like eating by myself.
- I have no drama. (I know not all relationships have drama but most do)
To sum it up I am more focused, driven, and getting to know myself. Oh, and money. I actually am able to save money.
But despite that there are some stigma to being alone. People don’t like being by themselves and it makes me wonder, are they not happy with themselves? I don’t know if I love myself fully but being alone is helping me work on it. I refuse to be in a relationship with someone to just be paired off. I know a lot of people who do that and in the end they are just miserable.
But back to the bullet points. I am really trying to manage my finances and travel more. Traveling in a relationship is hard if the other person can’t travel and so thats what I want to do as well… travel more.
Anyway, I tried not to make this a ramble fest. But what are your thoughts on relationships? Also, what are your thoughts on being alone? On cheating? Let me know.