Beach — Daily Prompt #2

Am I the only one who doesn’t like the beach? I remember being a kid and dreading the beach. I hated the beach, it was the worst, I hated it then, and I won’t go now. I have been searching through the tags and people are writing poetry about the beach, how much they love it, and just sappy shit about it. I don’t have any fond memories of the beach. The only thing about the beach I remember as a kid was not wanting to go. Anyway, here are 5 reasons why the beach sucks.


Sand

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This is my fucking kryptonite. I think we can all agree, that sand is the worst thing right after glitter. This shit gets everywhere. In your eyes, hair, ass, food, shoes, car, drinks, ears, and every crevice in your fucking body. People like to go to the beach and read. HOW? How can you do this? Don’t you get sand in your eyes? Or have to shake out your book ever 15 seconds? It’s annoying to wash your hair thirteen times to get sand out. Even after your nineteenth shower, you go to sleep, and wake up to what? A bed full of sand. You know what that means right? Time to light the fucking house on fire to get rid of it. Lets not forget all the little rocks and broken up sea shells because we all love to be walking and step on something. Next thing you know, your foot is bloody and infected.

Ocean

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The ocean is dirty. Point blank, plain, and simple. No matter how many times you brush your teeth, you cannot escape that salty, urine sand taste when water accidentally gets in your mouth. Where do you think the mafia throws their dead bodies? The Ocean. In addition to the nasty water filled with dead bodies that you splash in, people drown. Not everyone knows how to swim. The Ocean is dirty, filled with things, critters, and dead bodies. But hey, sick waves bro.

Critters

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Sharks, jellyfish, fish, dolphins, sharks, and did I mention sharks? The ocean is filled with sea creatures. But you can’t escape them, because in the sand there are crabs, and insects. Also, in the sky circling around waiting for a bite of your sandwich, is the ever so annoying seagulls. If I want to see animals, I’ll go to the zoo or the aquarium.

People

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It’s blatantly obvious that I do not like people that much. Going to the beach you are bombarded by them, with some smelling like death. People at the beach having sex (I’ve seen it, I remember I was 9 years old and this woman had her hand down her husband / boyfriend swim trunks.) Getting drunk acting crazy. Once when I was about 13 a family friend got drunk and went into the ocean, I guess her bikini top wasn’t tied properly, because when she came up it was gone. People annoy me.

Sun

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We all love the sun beating down on our face, causing headaches, burning us. We love it. The sun makes people sweaty, and then they dive into that dirty ocean and just repeat the cycle of nasty. Sun burns suck and you are literally cooking. The sun is cooking you. No amount of sunblock can save you from baking.


The beach is the worst. I do not understand how people enjoy it, if you do then that’s great. I don’t like anything about it. I haven’t been to the beach since I was 13 and I refuse to go. So does anyone else despise the beach as much as I do? Or do you love it? Let me know, I want to hear your thoughts.

 

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