I don’t know what happened, one minute my mother, and I are having a nice moment in the car, the next, she is talking about her boyfriend (who I don’t like), and his endless amount of insecurities he has. It got me feeling anxious for some reason. This was a few days ago by the way, but the feeling I got is still fresh in my mind.

Anyway, I realized that my anxiety comes in three waves.

Wave 1 – Mild, easy to shake off, doesn’t last long. If it doesn’t go away it progresses to wave 2.

Wave 2 – It’s going to stick a while, I need to lay down, but I can’t lay down, and I have to distract myself to calm down. If it doesn’t go away it progresses to wave 3.

Wave 3 – Full on panic attack, my body is shaking, heart is pounding, I can’t move, I want to lay down but my body hurts, its going to take an entire night (or more) for this to go away.

Feelings

During this time I crave any type of social interaction, yet I don’t want any social interaction because the thought of social interaction at that moment freaks me out. So, I will forever be stuck in limbo regarding that.

My self confidence? Goes down the drain.

My patience runs very thin.

I get very passive aggressive.

Distractions

As I’ve mentioned before, I escape reality or day dream to the point where I have all these different scenarios in my head.

I try to avoid eye contact with people, because I get this feeling of I am about to cry. The less eye contact I make, the more calm I begin to get.

Smoke (This helped me out a lot and since I quit things have felt worse)

I begin to tap my finger on my knee in different speed ranges, eventually pretending I am playing a song.

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For this case, I listened to music & daydreamed to distract myself and it helped a bit but I was still feeling a bit anxious. I am not sure where it came from but I really don’t like my mothers boyfriend, and hearing his name makes cringe. I am not on medication for my anxiety. Should I go back on it? Or should I stay off of it?

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