My sister is going to be 18 tomorrow, she’s a spoiled brat, but some may say I am a spoiled brat too so, I don’t know. I thought it was going to be a small thing. My mom, myself, my best friend, my sister and two of her best friends. But then my mother (as usual) drops a bomb on me that my aunt, uncle, two cousins, and my cousins boyfriend (who isn’t allowed to date my cousin due to his religion and I try not to judge him based on that, but it’s hard, how can he truly say he’s in love with my cousin and what not but can’t be open about his relationship with her and has to sneak around? I’m not trying to come off as someone who isn’t open minded, I respect everyone’s religion, but if his religion is against it then why is my cousin sneaking around with him? I don’t understand? Also, how long can I keep this going because I thought a parentheses is supposed to be a little snippet or something. Not sure because I hated 10th grade English. Fuck you Mrs. Sleem) are all coming. When I’m around them I get this weird, “I’m better then you ” vibe anywho, I will be documenting my anxiety in three parts: Before, During & After Dinner. Somebody have mercy on my soul.

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Part 1 – Before Dinner

So as I sit in the car, I am thinking, what can I wear? Girly isn’t my style and I want to be comfortable but let’s be for real, dinner with my prissy ass family, is going to be a major bummer. It’s her birthday and all, but I thought tonight was going to be a small affair.

Back to the clothes though, I want to wear my Doc Martens because I feel so comfy in them. I feel that if anyone gives me shit I can just kick em in the face. Oh and on another note, my anxiety is at and all time high if you can’t tell by the clusterfuck of this post and by the title obviously. I can’t make tonight about me, it’s about my sister, but I can’t deal with the looks. I don’t wear makeup, my eyebrows aren’t done and I don’t wear dressy clothes. I just want to go home and pray I can find a shirt that I didn’t get from Hottopic that says “EVERYTHING SUCKS”

So I settled for blue skinny jeans, a black undershirt and a Forrest green cardigan. I did my eyebrows because I was looking like James Logan. My friend, the ever so loving Francis, helped me put makeup on my chin ┬áto cover some of my blemishes and even though it’s still sorta noticeable, I feel a tad bit better about wearing it. During that time my mother kept coming in my room and getting in my face “jokingly” I don’t like that. It drives me bonkers.

Now we are in the car again, my mom is giving my sisters friend (whose parents don’t allow her to do anything) advice on life. Talking about how hard she had it, when she was 18 my grandmother slapped her in the face for taking too long for getting pizza. I can’t even count on one hand how many times I’ve heard this story. My grandmother ruling with an iron fist is the reason why my mother is the way she is. But that’s another blog post for another day.

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Part 2 – The Dinner

My sister is laughing it up with my best friend, inviting her places (but blocks me on social media) and now my mom is taking pictures. My bestie is all happy cause she’s high as a kite. I should start smoking weed again, it’s been 4 years though, and not for nothing, it always made me paranoid.

We are talking about my cousins boyfriend and the reason why my aunt is late. He’s not allowed to date my cousin because of his religion.

Off that subject, my best friend is cracking jokes. Glad I invited her, even though Im nervous.

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So this is the part of the blog where I’m a bit drunk. I had 4 mojitos. I know drinking my anxiety away isn’t the right thing to do but I did anyway. My cousins boyfriend is a nice kid and he was making jokes but the whole secret aspect is something I’m not comfortable with. I do wish them the best tho.

Part 3 – After Dinner

I’m drunk and heading home (my friend, who is isn’t drunk is driving though). We stopped to buy a bogey I took like a pull because I stopped smoking cigarettes. I’m glad I got a drunk though. I couldn’t survive it sober.

Welp all done. Today was a success! I started off anxious and scared and ended it drunk and happy!!

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