Anxiety

Depression? Anxiety? Both?

Depression
noun | de·pres·sion | \di-ˈpre-shən, dē-\

  • A state of feeling sad
  • A serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal wayshutterstock_106662809

Anxiety
noun | anx·i·ety | \aŋ-ˈzī-ə-tē\

  • Fear or nervousness about what might happen
  • A feeling of wanting to do something very much

Now that I have the definitions out of the way for those who may not know the meaning time for me to dive into my thoughts. I’ve never been evaluated by a shrink before, however I always thought I’ve suffered from some form of Anxiety. I do get these “I’m in a rut” feelings but I don’t know if it warrants for me to label it as Depression.

How I feel at times & during certain situations that makes me think I have Anxiety:

  • Heart palpitations – SERIOUSLY!! When I am in a large crowd and all eyes are on me, when I am getting yelled at by my mom for no reason what so ever or when a stressful situation is thrown my way I feel as if my heart is going to burst out of my chest and onto the floor.
  • Dizziness – My brain feels like it is doing somersaults, I always think that I am about to faint & if I don’t sit down the room feels as if it is spinning.
  • Problems sleeping – I always go over potential scenarios in my brain as I lay in bed. The scenarios always end in me either embarrassed or humiliated in some way. The following day due to the lack of sleep I am always on edge.
  • Feelings of panics, fear & uneasiness – This is self explanatory. I feel this was 80% of the time.

How I feel at times & during certain situations that makes me think I have Depression:

  • Hopelessness – About three times a month I go through this, “Why am I even trying” or “In a rut” type of feeling. I don’t know where it comes from, but I just feel as if what I am doing isn’t good enough and I should just give up. When I feel that way I think that there is no reason for me to be working so hard and I should stop trying.
  • Lack of energy – I work, go to school and then when I get home all I want to do is lay down. I could wake up after sleeping for 8 hours and STILL be tired. I have no motivation to go out, work out or anything the requires moving.
  • Irritability – At times any little thing can agitate me.

illustrative_cartoon_images_capture_the_essence_of_depression_640_13

When I went to my doctor back in 2012 and told him I had Anxiety he prescribed me Lexapro. It helped me a lot I felt, I didn’t feel so negative all the time and when ever my mother was in her moods it did not phase me one bit. After 3 months of being on it, I stopped taking it.

I would like to be on it again but fear the backlash that would come with admitting to have some sort of mental illness. In my mind society looks down on people who have any type of mental illness.

So maybe I don’t have depression, but I know for certain I have anxiety. I know that everyone gets sad once in awhile but I feel as if I get sad way too often to be considered normal sadness. I’ve never had suicidal thoughts or anything but do you have to be suicidal to have depression? Like I said, I don’t know. Maybe its all in my head.

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7 thoughts on “Depression? Anxiety? Both?

  1. I’ve been feeling the same. I don’t know what to call it; I don’t know if I’m depressed or anxious. Likely both. I’ve always been avoidant. I’ve never told my doctor (or anyone, really) and so now I’ve never been prescribed anything but I often wonder if it would help. Do you mind my asking why you went off Lexapro in 2012? Was it because of the negative stigma attached, or side effects, or both? I don’t know how to even bring up a conversation with a primary. I just want to be medicated. I don’t want to be assigned a mental health counselor.

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    1. It was mostly due to the negative stigma attached, I was afraid of being labeled as crazy. There was only one side effect, I would feel a bit foggy in the morning when I would take the pill. But as far as any major side effects I didn’t experience any of it. It was actually the best three months of my life. I had just started driving and I would be nervous about it. I told my doctor that I would literally shake as I drove and he recommended Lexapro for my driving anxiety.

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      1. I understand. I’m less afraid of being labeled crazy and more afraid of the opposite. I’m afraid people will think I’m being weak or overdramatic. I recently broke down and opened up to my husband about how I felt and he actually asked me if I was saying it for attention.

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      2. Wow, that’s a bit harsh. But honestly I would be afraid of that reaction too, even though I didn’t tell anybody I was on medication I am pretty sure people in my family knew and they assumed it was for attention.

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  2. I really can relate to your feeling of anxiety because I feel like that as well. It really is a struggle to accept yourself and admit that you do have a problem also because there is such a stigma attached to such, let’s call them ailment.
    With physical ailments, people can see their effects and are more accepting and sympathetic, but when it’s an internal problem, it seems to get trivialized.
    I am quite happy that we have people like you writing about it, and that too so well!

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